"My blood hurts!"

I've officially committed my life back to the dojo. If you don't see me for a while, don't take offense to it; I'm just getting my ass kicked back into shape. I have a year to catch up on, and it's becoming more and more clear how not-so-easy it is going to be. Apparantly, I'm not the only one who has some catching up to do. A year's leave of absence, and I was still at the head of the class. It makes me wonder what everyone else has been doing!!! (slackers!) I can't believe how harsh sensei was today- 75 push ups and 60 sit ups.. and let me say, I forgot how much of a shock the body absorbs when it get slammed on the mats... ouch! I can already feel my ab and chest muscles starting to tense up. I doubt I'll be able to move tomorrow!

I've already gotten roped into assisting the kids' class tomorrow. I wouldn't mind, except the driving + gas. I will have to drive out there for work, then back to Kent to finish my psych lab work, then again back out to the falls for this class. At least it will be an extra bit of exercise, and maybe I'll be able to work my kata afterwards.

And I'm going to need all of the exercise I can get this week and next, to keep my mind off of things. It's getting harder and harder to be with the babies when I know in the back of my mind that it was a year ago exactly that I lost mine. There are two that are the same age as the twins, and I can barely bring myself to hold them- and then only when I need to. I love them very much, but it hurts too much to be with them right now. In the morning, I am going to ask my boss if I can be in a different room, besides the nursury, for the next couple of weeks. Not just for me, but also to be fair to the babies I'm supposed to be caring for. I wish they would just keep me in my infant 2 room (with the one year olds) but they say I'm needed in the nursury. We'll see how that goes.